Personal post #2: Cyclothymia
Well, I just had a few months of feeling pretty up, and it was fantastic. I felt motivated, creative, social, engaged with the world, eager to help others. I was eating better and doing a decent amount of walking. I was blogging a lot, as you can see. (But I was sleeping erratically, and my mind was constantly racing.)
Now, unfortunately, I am back to feeling pretty down. Which means that a bunch of things I’m supposed to be doing, things I volunteered to do, aren’t getting done. Including training for the run I pledged to do (and raised several donations for). Including planning for an organization I agreed to launch and lead. Including paying bills, preparing holiday gifts, even doing laundry and opening mail. And I’m back to eating poorly and not exercising. (But at least I’m sleeping better, and my mind isn’t racing.)
I discovered the word cyclothymia the other day. I think that’s probably what’s going on. It’s a word that basically means “mild bipolar disorder.” So what I just experienced, from mid-August to late November, was probably a hypomanic episode. And it was pretty great. A nice change from the depression that I’d been experiencing for many months.
Yes, I take antidepressant drugs and see a therapist.
No, I’m not necessarily looking for advice or ideas. Just support is fine.
No, I don’t consider this blog post to be oversharing, though I suppose some of you may think it is. Or you may be put off by it for some other reason (too narcissistic, too whiny, etc.). If that’s the case, go ahead and let me know. I can handle different perspectives. And who knows, maybe you’ll convince me that you’re right. If you don’t convince me, or if I sense that you’re just being mean-spirited, I’ll relish the opportunity to sardonically cut you down to size.
I don’t know if sharing this is worth it. Maybe doing so will turn out to be unwise. It’s just something I feel compelled to do.